I Am Not An Angry Mom. I’m An Overwhelmed  Mom. – and the response was staggering. Over  600,000 of you engaged in some way. By  Brene Brown  

The data clearly shows that there are a whole lotta parents  out there who are struggling. This is why this conversation  iimperative. Our mental health relies on it. 

Parenting can be immensely isolating, and yet, we are also  incredibly united in feelinp;[‘pp;p[g very similar emotions and having  kindred experiences. I am here to call these out so that those of us  who are crouching in the bathroom looking for a lifeline can hear  what we all need to hear: you are not alone.

Even if that is not a solution in and of itself, there is comfort in  numbers. It isn’t that we are deficient or that we are failing. It is that  we are drowning in a society that is built to keep us looking outside  of ourselves. And so here we are feeling: 

• Not enough 
• Guilt 
• Exhaustion 
• Discouragement 
• Stress 

And for many of us, that stress becomes so accumulative that it  causes a nervous system shutdown, otherwise known  as overwhelm. This is due to lagging skills (we weren’t taught how  to handle our emotions let alone our children’s), unmet needs (the  list is fiercely long), and sensory inundation (which is often  overlooked and rarely considered). It sometimes feels like the odds  are stacked against us. 

According to research professor and author Brené Brown, the only  real solution to overwhelm is nothingness. This requires us to notice  the signals from our nervous system and step away, giving  ourselves the time to regulate before stepping back into the ring.

And here is where some have said, “Wait a minute sister! Who am I  supposed to pass the baton to, because no one else is here to  receive it?” 

So, for this article, I am talking to the single parents. The widowed  parents. The parents with little support. 

I am talking to the parents with limited mental health resources and  the parents who live in a society that has a system built against  them. 

As one of my favorite peaceful parent advocates, Destini, says,  “Being able to take a break is a privilege. Having mental health  resources is a privilege. Having options is a privilege. Not all of us  have it.” 

For those of us who only have us – those of us who are a one-man  or woman show – what do we do? 

I Am Not An Angry Mom, I’m An Overwhelmed Mom. 

I remember after we had our first child, my husband worked 2nd  shift for 10 to 12-hour shifts. He was gone all night until about 3 or 4  AM and then needed to sleep before starting all over again. I did  have him a bit in the afternoon, but mostly I was alone, and  I felt immensely alone.

My son was waking every two hours to nurse, he was up most of  the night, and the whole “nap when they nap” thing didn’t work out  for me. If the sun was up, so was I, no matter how hard I tried. 

There were moments when I literally had to put my son in his crib  for a few minutes and step away to collect myself. I am not talking  about letting my baby cry it out. I don’t believe in that. But there  were times I needed to cry it out for me to function because I had  no one to turn to. I had no help. I had no one to tag team in. And I  thought that I was going to break. 

Adding in a second child compounded this feeling. And the more I  struggled, the more I questioned my qualifications as a mother. I felt  like the outline of myself was being compacted into something so  small that I couldn’t see myself anymore. 

Was I disappearing? Could anyone hear my calls for help? Did I  even exist? Did I matter? 

Fortunately, for me, after time, my support kicked in. My husband  changed jobs. We moved closer to family. My mom circle grew. And  for that, I am privileged and grateful. I didn’t realize how long I was  holding my breath until I was able to finally breathe. 

15 Tools For The Overwhelmed, Single Mom 

So, why am I telling you my story? I guess to say what I said above  – you aren’t alone. And yet, your experience is immensely intimate 

to you. There is no way I can tell you exactly what to do. There are  nearly a zillion possible variants to each of our lives. There are also  threads that weave us all together. For this reason, I am going to  offer ideas, seedlings, and thoughts. 

Take what serves you. Transform what you need to. Leave the rest.

1. Adjust expectations 

I have to do it all and be on 100% of the time to be a good mom.  We may think that, but it doesn’t mean it is true. Sometimes, it is  okay to lower the bar a bit. We don’t have to be Pinterest Mom or  

Vegan Mom or Cook Home Meals Every Night Mom to be an  amazing mom. So, if you are desperate for a break and the TV is  the only way you will get it or you have to take a shortcut  somewhere, then do it. Your mental health matters and your kids  will survive.

2. Step away 

Sometimes there is nowhere to run and nowhere to hide so to  speak. Taking a “break” doesn’t feel like an option. In moments  where you feel desperate, step away, anyway. Put your kids in a  safe place like their crib or room and take a moment wherever you  can – the bathroom, out the front door, in your closet. If need be,  turn on the shower or music for background sound or use earplugs  and just breathe. Even if just for two minutes. Give your nervous  system some time to reset before returning to your kids.

3. Share your feelings 

Sometimes you can’t step away. It either isn’t safe to do so or there  isn’t space to do so or you have a literal stage-five clinger who is  hanging from your legs with a death grip. So, what can you do  then? Sometimes just saying how you feel aloud helps to tame that  emotion. When our body senses stress, it sends circuits to our  brainstem (which causes us to fight or retreat) and our cortex  (which is where we use logic and emotional regulation). Labeling  and expressing our emotions cause us to up-regulate towards our  higher brain, which means we can better respond to what is  happening around us (rather than react). Using “I feel” statements  helps attune your nervous system and becomes a great model for  your children to do the same.

4. Do a Trigger Worksheet 

The best offense is a good defense. That means taking a few  minutes during a regulated moment to gear up for dysregulation.  A Trigger Worksheet helps you identify parenting triggers, reshape  parenting goals and reset your nervous system with a seven-step  worksheet and webinar. Bonus, both are FREE resources.

5. Incorporate movement 

Before I was a mom, I liked to exercise. Now that I can’t seem to  find time to get to the gym, I have learned to incorporate the  movement into my daily routines. Squat when you change the  baby’s diaper, stretch before you pee, touch your toes before each 

meal. Generation Mindful also offers MoveMindfully decks that you  can use with your kids. Whatever your movement and whatever  your moment, it’s all good. Studies show that the more we move our  spine, the better it is for our nervous system.

6. Set a timer to breathe 

I am not joking. Every hour, stop and take one to three deep  breaths. No matter what you are doing. There is real science behind  the importance of this practice in resetting your nervous system.

7. Do a brain dump 

Many times, our stress mounts as high as Mount Everest, and it can  be a challenge to know where to start. We all have things that fall in  our circle of control and those that don’t. A brain dump is a way to  create awareness around our stress points, differentiating between  those that are in our circle of control and those that fall outside of it.  

Start by writing down everything that is currently mentally,  physically, and emotionally bogging you down. The activity itself  isn’t meant to be a burden so take your time and set your own pace.  Once your list is complete, read through and circle everything you  can control, and cross out everything you can’t. By focusing on your  circle of your control and releasing all beyond it, you give yourself  more energy, time, and joy to create real change in your life.

8. Delegate tasks and ask for help

I think many of us have been conditioned to believe that we must  bear the load ourselves … that asking for help or delegating is a  sign of weakness. This is definitely the case if you grew up in a  home where it was not safe to do so or if you had to be the support  or protector for the adults in your life. 

Fast forward to the present day, ask yourself, “What brings me joy?  And what do I want to pass on? What could I use help with? What  would give me a break?” Asking for help is a power for the  lionhearted. It takes courage to stand in your truth and share it with  another. 

Maybe ask a family member or a neighbor or someone in your  community to help in small ways such as a fellow parent for  carpools or playdates to give you a break. And truth be told, we can  delegate to our kids too. Even our toddlers can do more than we  think – small tasks like putting away laundry or setting the table.  Your kids may even enjoy doing daily tasks with you, transforming a  “to-do” moment into a “get to” connection experience.

9. Create a visual schedule with your kids 

Plan, plan, plan ahead. Visual schedules are a visual and tangible  way to help children process and sequence what has to be done.  This not only saves time but sanity, and empowers your children to  be part of the process. What are your high-stress routines in your 

home? Turn them into a visual schedule to help tasks stay  consistent, predictable, and manageable.

10. Hire a sitter 

For those who have the resource to do so, hire a sitter to give  yourself a break so you can sleep, run errands without the kids, or  do something you enjoy.

11. Get a listening partner 

Listening Partners are an exchange of listening support between  adults, which allows for an outlet of our feelings, helping us shift  from our own primal fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses so that  we can come in with more clarity when parenting our children.  Building resources within ourselves through the caring attention of  another adult provides the connection we need to be more effective  and connected parents. Maybe this is a family member, a friend, or  a fellow parent. Schedule time each week or month to chat and  unload as they listen and support. Another option is to use an app  like Marco Polo so that you can listen and respond to one another  when it feels available to you

12. Practice saying no 

Our yes doesn’t have any meaning until we learn how to say no. If  setting boundaries with your kids feel hard for you, take a look  at this. If setting boundaries with others feels tricky, remember that 

we are not here to meet the demands of others. People-pleasing  only leads to resentment. When we fail to set external boundaries,  we create internal boundaries that limit us. 

13. Go for a drive 

Sometimes going on a drive is like going on a break. Something  about everyone being strapped in, safe, and close (but also not  close) can give solace. Turn on your tunes or look to nature or just  not be doing whatever you would have to be doing at home. Also,  taking your kids to any nearby park can be a lifeline. The fresh air is  refreshing, and your kids can expel some energy with other kids,  the slide, and a swing.

14. Dose up mantras 

Cover your house with sticky notes to tell yourself all the things that  you need to hear in a day. Sort of like little love notes to yourself or  a cheerleader telling you to keep going. When you can’t afford a life  

coach, you learn to coach yourself … or at least give it a go,  anyways. If you tell yourself it is hard, it will most certainly feel hard.  If you tell yourself that you can do this, you will likely find a way to  do so. When you feel really low on patience, use these 9 mantras.  Generation Mindful also has mantra cards that can be used yourself  and with your kids (includes seven adult cards and 35 cards for all  ages).

15. Seek free mental health resources

Here are a few: 

• Open Path Collective – Therapists provide affordable, in office, and online psychotherapy sessions for between $30  and $60. 
• Warmlines – Created to give people support when they  need to talk to someone. 
• The Loveland Foundation – Committed to showing up for  communities of color in unique and powerful ways, with a  particular focus on Black women and girls. 
• SAMHSA National Hotline – A free, confidential, 24/7,  365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in  English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental  and/or substance use disorders. 
• SAMHSA Step-by-Step Guide to Wellness 
• Allstate, Purple Purse, Foundation – Works to create a  society where women are empowered. 
• National Alliance on Mental Illness – Nation’s largest  grassroots mental health organization dedicated to building  better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental  illness. 
• National Resource Toolkit – Lists an array of diverse  available services. 
• She Matters – Designed to support Black women who  experience Postpartum anxiety and depression.
• Free Black Therapy – Nonprofit Organization dedicated to  providing free remote mental health services with Black Mental  Health professionals for Black and African American  individuals. 
• Free meditation apps 
• Free meditations with Catherine Liggett 
• Free meditations with Teal Swan 

Stress and overwhelm is no joke, and it can really take a toll on the  way we respond to our world. In fact, too much of it can cause us to  function from a different nervous system. 

This list is not a “fix-all” list or a list to tell anyone what  they should be doing. That isn’t supportive support. This is an  invitation to band together in brother and sisterhood. 

What resources, tips, and tools do you have to share? We are  listening. 

** Read our original article here: I Am Not An Angry Mom. I’m An  Overwhelmed Mom. 

Make Connection and Conversation a Habit with Fun Daily  Affirmations 

PeaceMakers help children and adults connect in daily, playful  ways around the things that matter most: our ideas and our  feelings! Each card delivers a unique, affirming message designed 

to nurture emotional intelligence including self-love, social skills, a  growth mindset, confidence, and more.